Maria Gaian, Founder of the Ditch the Black Dog Virtual Retreat

It's 4am and, as usual, you're wide awake with that overwhelming sense of dread in your belly.  

Everyone else in the house is snoring and the loneliness is suffocating.

You lay there hoping someone will wake up. But no-one does.

Should you go and VERY NOISILY make a drink and hope you disturb someone?

NOOO! It's tempting. You feel so alone, but the LAST thing you want is anyone to know how much mental and emotional pain you're in.

Most people would be shocked if they knew how you really feel, how dark your thoughts can get.

You know you deserve a frigging Oscar for the way you've convinced everyone you're ok, happy even!

But you don't want to admit you're depressed cos it makes you feel like a failure, or worse, weak.

You're the one that has to hold everything together.

Everyone depends on you and you need to be strong or everything will fall apart. 

But you know deep inside that the only person falling apart is you. 

To distract yourself, you get out your phone and start scrolling social media.

You ponder making a post sharing about how depressed you feel, but you know that for every person who leaves a supportive comment, there will be a bajillion trolls and haters, telling you to end it all.

Your heart sinks.

People are so vile to each other. 

Better to suffer in silence. 

A million posts tell you that the world’s going to hell in a handbasket.

More wars, more pollution, more inequality and exclusion.

What’s going on? 

Why are so many animals facing extinction?

You feel frustration and sadness as you keep scrolling. 

It’s the 21st Century, why are people still killing each other?

Why is starvation still happening when we have the ability to feed everyone?

How come women and kids are forced to walk miles to get water, only to find it’s filthy?

This isn’t only happening in distant lands either. 

Fundraising apps are doing a roaring trade as people in your area are asking for help with rent, food, medicine, vet bills, and even funeral costs.

And then the familiar voices of guilt and shame pipe up in unison: –

“How dare you feel depressed when so many other people have it so much worse than you do!” 

Maybe someone else actually said this to you when you’ve had the courage to admit to suffering from depression?

It’s one of my mom’s favourite phrases.

But it doesn’t make anyone feel better and all it does it make you suffer in silence. 

People are homeless due to war

If only we could heal depression by seeing other people suffering and being grateful it’s not us!!

Don’t get me wrong, gratitude has its place in depression recovery. You can’t feel two emotions at once, so if you try to cultivate gratitude, the black dog has to take a back seat. 

But being grateful that you aren’t suffering as badly as someone else is NOT a fix.

Mostly because many of us are empathetic to other people’s situations. 

We feel their pain as well as our own, which can make depression even worse!

And then we feel powerless and out of control. We start beating ourselves up for not being able to do anything. How can we help someone else when we can’t even help ourselves? 

But the truth is that no matter how much you see someone else suffering, it doesn’t invalidate your pain. 

It’s not a competition. Someone else’s suffering does not diminish yours, no matter what the cause is. 

Join the waitlist

If you’d love to know more about when we open and what we’ll be doing at the Gaian Oasis to help people ditch the black dog of depression, please join the wait list and I’ll keep you in the loop.

If you want to follow our journey turning this beautiful but neglected farm into a safe sanctuary and wellness space, you can do that by subscribing to our YouTube Channel or joining the community on Substack. 

The links are below. I’d love to have you join us on this exciting journey!

With love and magick always,

Maria xx

Join the waitlist to find out more about the Gaian Oasis and when it will open its doors to help people with depression.

Subscribe to the YouTube Channel to follow our journey as we build the Gaian Oasis and get ready to open our doors

Don’t forget that you can join me over in the Black Dog Cafe community. It’s an off facebook, safe space for you to get support, tools and techniques to help you survive depression.