Maria Gaian, Ecotherapist & Change Maker

In this post, I talk about how choosing to create change allowed me to feel healthy, happy, and whole and how change can help you heal and thrive as if by magick too!

Do you want things to be different, but at the same time you hate or fear change?

As an autistic woman and a Gemini, I’m often conflicted about change!

It makes me feel unsettled and anxious.

No matter how bad my situation might be, I find myself wondering if everything will go wrong if I try to change it.

What if I end up in a worse state than I am now?

Ever feel that way?

You definitely aren’t alone!

Trouble is, change is necessary if we’re to create the kind of life we want.

And the thing is, even though change is scary, it’s inevitable.

Things change, whether we like it or not.

Seasons change. Technology changes.

Fashion changes – although everything comes full circle eventually. 

We change.

Over the years our bodies change, we change careers and even romantic partners.

We move house. 

Our friendship circles change. 

Even our tastes change. I like things I’d never have been seen dead in years ago!  

People change all the time.

Our kids grow up. 

Parents age.

We can outgrow our partners or they outgrow us.

Our finances change. 

And the world around us is constantly changing!

We can’t keep everything the same, no matter how we try, so we might as well choose how things change for us. 

Back in 2015, I didn’t like my life and I wanted things to change.

I’d been through a bad time that left me feeling sad and empty.

I was grieving the loss of my therapeutic horsemanship business and I was struggling with my mental health and wellness.

(This was all before I discovered how Therapeutic Witchcraft™ would change my life beyond recognition!)

I was doing everything I could to ditch the black dog of depression, but some days it felt like I took one step forward and two steps back.

Even the weather made me feel blue.

The dank grey skies in the UK didn’t just make me feel sad, they gave me SAD – seasonal affective depression.

I struggled with episodes of fibromyalgia and the cold only worsened the pain in my bones.

Gardening, walking the dogs and playing with horses was a part of my daily mental wellness routine, but it wasn’t fun for a good part of the year due to the wet and cold. 

I felt trapped and couldn’t see an answer to any of these weather issues, so I resigned myself to putting up with it. 

It wasn’t just the weather that made me feel grey.

The whole culture of the UK wasn’t sitting right with me.

I felt like we were paying out more and more in community taxes and getting less and less back in return.

The roads were bad, they cut our bus services, closed the library, and kept kicking the promise of decent broadband internet down the road to a later date that never came.

People seemed to be becoming more cynical and more willing to tear a person in need down, rather than help them.

The values of the Government were not in line with mine. I wanted to live in a kinder, more family orientated society.

The attitudes towards family in the UK seemed foreign to me.

A social worker once asked me why my 18-year-old autistic kid still lived at home!

What?

Apparently, they should leave the nest as soon as they’re adults.

School were pressurizing my kid to go to University, even though they didn’t want to.

They were also pushing them to get a formal autism diagnosis.

Societal expectations were suffocating us!

It was rough!

We lived in a nice place, but our house was rented and it cost so much money. It was a definite down side to having a big family. I was sick of fighting the landlords to get even basic repairs done to the house, and it was falling down round our ears.

My husband was working long hours and we barely saw each other. Our money didn’t seem to go far enough.

I wanted to start a business, but my feelings of depression and anxiety were holding me back.

Don’t get me wrong, it could’ve been worse!

I’m very aware that we were very privileged compared to so many other souls in the world.

We had a home, my husband had built a business that was keeping our heads above water, there was food in our bellies, and plenty for us to do.

My relationship with my Handsome Husband was strong and I loved being with my kids with my whole heart.

The littlest were 8 and 5 and they were an absolute joy, lighting up my life like little rays of sunshine.

But I was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired and I knew if I wanted things to be different I had to deliberately create change, not just moan and whine about it!

Anyway, enough of that! Let’s get back to the day I decided to create change.

Like I said before, I was suffering the lingering effects of an episode of severe depression when the idea to move abroad came to me.

I’d just got the kids on the school bus, the dogs had been fed and walked, and I put the TV on in the background whilst I did a bit of housework.

It was one of those ‘New Life in the Sun’ type programs and it showed a couple who wanted to move to Italy.

The dusting was ditched and I flopped on the sofa to watch the episode.

It was sunny in Italy and it looked bright, welcoming, and warm!

I’d have given anything to be there in that beautiful place, instead of in the cold, rainy UK.

Italy looked so warm and welcoming.

Most people who watch this kind of show daydream and wish things were different.

Not me!

Nope.

I watched the show and decided I didn’t want to stay living the life I had.

My heart yearned to create change and go live in the sunshine.

I realised in that moment that I wasn’t tied to living in the UK.

Moving abroad became my special interest.

(Thanks autism and ADHD!)

Luckily for me, my handsome husband and the kids were on board with my zany idea.

We began to research everything we could about how to move abroad.

What did we need to be, do, and have to make a successful life abroad?

I had no idea!

All I knew was I was determined to create change in our lives.

It’s funny looking back on it now.

Handsome Husband and I had never even been abroad together before.

We didn’t even have valid passports!

What was I thinking?

Long story short, the plan was made and despite my fear of change, it was implemented.

We made a plan and broke it down into much smaller steps.

That made it seem so much easier.

We didn’t move to Italy in the end, though.

It made more sense for us to move to Spain, cos I’d been there as an exchange student many, many years ago and I have a grasp of the language. 

We had a holiday/research break in September of 2015 and by December of that year, our whole lives had changed.

I know our move was meant to be, cos everything fell into place so well.

We secured a rental house, worked out how to move the animals and the kids and we were off.

I had a plan for a new business venture and it was agreed that my Soulmate would work back in the UK for a while until we were settled.

It took us just 15 months from when I first saw that TV show to actually living on Spanish soil.

We made an agreement to try living in Spain for a year and then decide if we wanted to stay, or go back to the UK.

We stayed! Today we live in a wonderful spot halfway up a mountain.

There’s something so magickal about living here.

The majesty of the mountains, the wide expanse of the clear sky full of stars, the cheerfulness of the sunshine, the flavors of the food – it’s opened me up in a way that I never imagined possible.

I can’t even begin to put into words the way that I feel when I stand out under the enormous sky, in the shadow of the mountains.

I feel big and small all at the same time.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve lived in some other beautiful parts of the world, but there’s something that’s been calling me here for years.

Finally, after decades of searching, I feel like I’m home.

I’ve melted into the surroundings and feel like I belong.

I can’t tell you how comforting that is after feeling like an outsider my whole life.

I won’t lie to you, the change has been a shock to the system at times.

The bureaucracy here can be a nightmare and living here through the pandemic was a blessing and a curse.

We face having to do new things all the time, and at first, it was HARD.

• Getting residency;
• dealing with the fallout from BREXIT;
• buying a Spanish car;
• starting a business;
• changing to a Spanish driving license;
• job interviews that were undertaken entirely in Spanish;
• getting the teaching job that I love;
• organising our wedding in Gibraltar;
• even asking for a refund in the supermarket have all been jittery  for me.

Being abroad, even temporarily, can be a life changing experience.

But you know what? It’s been worth every single hair-raising, anxiety-inducing moment.

I’ve never been happier in my whole life.

There’s nothing quite like starting over in a new place to make you feel like everything is brand new. You see everything through new eyes.

My confidence has grown as I’ve achieved more and more milestones.

I’ve proven to myself that I’m capable of so much more than I ever believed possible.

And I believe that you are, too.

There is absolutely no reason that you can’t have the life you dream of.

You don’t have to share my dream of moving abroad.

Maybe there’s something else you dream of doing: –

• Writing a book?
• Starting a business?
• Finding love or rekindling romance with a long term partner?
• Having a family?
• Traveling?
• Changing career?
• Moving home?
• Getting in the best physical shape of your life?

Or maybe you want to work on something much deeper?

• Banishing an addiction to alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping, gambling, social media?
  
• Ditching the black dog of depression?
• Learning to cope with anxiety, or post traumatic stress?
• Has your heart been broken and you dream of feeling happy and in love again?
• Or do you simply wish that you could become the person you know you are inside – the person that you feel in your Soul is meant for great things, if only you could feel confident and courageous enough to go do them!

Maybe you know exactly what you want and need to change so you can feel healthy, happy, and whole, but you believe it’s impossible.

Is that really true though?

I’ve discovered that change is possible.

We might have to make some compromises, but that’s better than giving up or not going after what we dream of in the first place!

Of course, we’re always going to face challenges, some bigger than others!

But we don’t have to let the black dog of depression steal our courage away.

We are ALL more than capable of doing BIG things.

And the more you stretch yourself, the more confident you become.

I promise you, if I can make my dreams happen, you can, too.

You might need to ask for help sometimes, but so what?

It’s worth it to feel healthy, happy, and whole!

Please KNOW that you have the power within you to change your destiny forever.

You don’t have to sit back and let life happen to you.

Take control and create change.

And it really doesn’t matter what your current circumstances are.

In my experience, rock bottom can be an excellent place to start cos you’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Are you ready to embrace the possibilities and see what opportunities come up for you?

Are you ready to embrace the possibilities and see what opportunities come up for you?

If you are, I’m here to support and help you on your journey.

Click the link to chat with me on Voxer for 24 hours for FREE: 

https://services.ditchtheblackdog.com/b/free-chat

My Challenge to You:

If you read this post and it resonated, I challenge you to stop waiting for life to happen to you and start taking decisive action!

Make the decision right now that you’re going to figure out where in your life you desire to create change and then plan how to make it happen.  

You weren’t born to suffer, you deserve to live the happy life you dream of! 

Start changing your life today!

What would you love to change in your life first? Come over to the DTBD community on Substack and let me know in the comments.